Dating a guy with intimacy issues

It may die if you cease to coax it forward by sharing new things with your partner. Likewise, it may die if you force it forward too fast, making yourself too vulnerable too quickly.


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Think of the task as one of landing a rocket on the moon. If you come in too fast with too much acceleration you'll crash land. If you don't accelerate enough however, you'll remain in orbit and never get down.


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You have to modulate how much information you share with your partner at any given moment so as to keep your interaction both playful and serious. Emotional intimacy takes some time to develop, but these days, this is not necessarily the case for sexual intimacy. People vary quite extensively in how quickly they are willing to become sexual with each other.

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Some feel comfortable having sexual relations early on, while others feel that a long getting-to-know-each-other period is in order before it is right become sexual. Though many people do choose to take their time before becoming fully sexual with a new partner, they will commonly take some steps early on such as kissing their partner to inform their partner of their sexual attraction so that the proper context will be set for the relationship. The speed with which you personally may feel comfortable becoming sexual with a new partner will likely be influenced by many factors including your age, sexual experience, beliefs about what your similar-age peers would do in your situation, attitudes towards sex and your general cultural and religious values.

As sexual relations with a new partner do put people at some physical, social and emotional risk, all people should proceed towards new sexual relationships with caution, and young people especially should take their time and not rush into anything. Practice safe sex while dating. Consider that your partner will have likely had other partners recently and that he or she may possibly have one or more sexually transmitted diseases STDs.

Dating someone with an intimacy disorder?

Consider also that your partner may be motivated more or less exclusively by sexual motives and may therefore be willing to lie to you in order to get you into bed. This may be true of both male and female partners. Be smart, protect yourself and don't let yourself be rushed into anything for which you are not ready.

5 Ways to Deal with an Intimacy-Phobic Person

Why not ask them if they are needing some time to themselves, and give them a chance to respond? Let them know that you are available when they are feeling more themselves and that next time it would be easier on you if they told you what they were doing. Intimacy-phobics can be experts at asking just the right questions to keep you talking about yourself. Be conscious that you also ask the intimacy-phobic person questions about themselves. Even if they deflect and try to bring the conversation back to you, gently ask again.

And let them take their time responding as they might be awkward or uncomfortable talking about themselves at first. If someone appears well put together and strong, then nobody bothers looking deeply at them and seeing their vulnerability and flaws.

5 Ways to Deal with an Intimacy-Phobic Person

A person who is afraid of intimacy is actually more than anything afraid of being judged, even as they usually are their own harshest critics. Demonstrate a good example by being gloriously comfortable with your own imperfections. Intimacy-phobic people are often prone to making strong statements or even rude jokes before they can stop themselves.

Their real selves will be the one where they are feeling relaxed, when they might even present totally opposite opinions. Ask if they really feel that way, and give them time to respond.

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And look to their actions over their words. Point it out to them if what they do contradicts what they say, and show appreciation for the actions they take that are generous of spirit. The secret of dealing with the intimacy-phobic person is never to over-promise anything, but to point out that the positive rewards of a good relationship are worth the risk.

Being close to someone, learning to trust, and having support when we need it are worth the chance we might upset them or lose them. In fact good, intimate relationships are linked to better health and better careers, too, as we tend to feel better about ourselves and our capabilities.